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Night is for Sleeping

Do you remember those car stickers saying "Happiness is......."? Most people after a month or so of becoming parent want a new sticker:  "Happiness Is A Good Night Sleep"

I feel so sorry for poor new parents, they are so tired and worn out. The mothers look bad and feel bad. The  fathers know that their  performance at work is just not the same. I have often come across parents whose child has truly not had (and not allowed them) one single night's sleep in two years!

Here’s how to  prevent or remedy these white nights.

How much do babies sleep?

Human babies are born totally dependent, they cannot function on their own. In order to become functional a baby  needs two things: a lot of food and a lot of sleep in order to convert all this food into flesh, bone and brain. Therefore the younger the baby is the more it needs to sleep.

Early training

Some Native American people used to hang up their papoose in trees out of the camp at night if the baby cried. If you live in a lodge made of animal skins a crying baby will keep the whole tribe awake, so this was a way for these babies to learn that they were definitely the member of a social order. Apparently the baby did not have to be hang out more than three nights in a row. (Either that or a bear got it!)

A few years ago a scientist did work with hundreds of babies to demonstrate that the baby will look at the person who holds it and imitate this person. The point is: baby definitely takes its clues from you. From day one, when you feed your baby during the day, be lively and talk to it. But as soon as night comes, become boring.  If the baby has its own room it is best to give any feed past seven p.m. in that room. Have the curtains drawn and only a very small light. Change nappies in this subdued light. Don't talk to your baby as you would during the day and if you do, do so in a soft, low voice. Right from the beginning the baby will understand that when the lights are low and everything is quiet there is not much happening and mum is so boring he might as well go back to sleep.

What to do when baby wakes at night?

So when the baby does wake in the middle of the night, always repeat the same ritual. Soft light, no talking, feed the baby in her room. If the nappy needs changing, do so with the minimum of fuss. Put the baby back in her bed. Turn off the light and walk out.

If the baby whinges, think: the baby is clean, fed, there are no safety pins stuck in her pancreas, no cockroaches running in the bed and the cat is not asleep on top of her. You know she is fine really, so just go back stroke her softly, slowly, rhythmically and pretend you are asleep too. Be boring!  Fathers are very good at this: they manage to comfort the child while hardly waking themselves; of course it helps that they don’t smell like a milk truck!

How Does Feeding Fit In?

There are no absolute laws about night feeding. On the one hand we have the controlling fascists who dictate absurd things (such as not feeding a four months old baby all night), on the other hand you have the libertarian fascists, who tell you that unless your baby is grafted all night onto your teat it will suffer irreparable damage.

At six months most babies have not doubled their birth weight yet, they still need to pack in the milk. I would expect a four to eight month old baby to have at least one more feed before midnight and perhaps one more feed before dawn.  Some babies won't. Some do: they are not being naughty and unreasonable, they want what they need.

Magic Potions

Lime Flowers, also known as Linden Flowers, (from your health food shop), is the best, gentlest, safest and most effective lullaby tea. Two teaspoons per 200 mls water, made as a simple tea.

If you are breast feeding drink it with honey and it will get into the baby.

If the baby is bottle fed, use the tea to prepare the last two bottles of the day.

Give a bottle of the tea before bed. You need to sweeten it for it to work, use plain sugar for babies under one and honey for older children.

You will never look back.

If your child has nightmares or night terrors, there is another tea which works like magic: Catnip, also known as Catmint. One teaspoon per 200 mls water, also made as a tea.

It smells like cat pee and it tastes like poo (that is the truth) BUT once it is sweeten you can't tell and kids don't seem to mind it. Don't let the above rude comments put you off, this simple herb stops even the delirious nightmares of people in the throes of hepatitis.

FEAR

Toddlers and older children can become hysterical with fear, it is not enough to just hold them and tell them everything is fine, inquire what the cause of the fear is, denying it will not make it go away, dispatching it will. So if the child screams because there is a bear at the back door or a monster in the wardrobe, don't tell them it is not there, to them it is. The best thing to do is go kill the bear, this will restore a sense of safety and the fact that they can trust you when they are in perceived danger.

THE INEVITABLE 

Some times the baby will just keep you awake at night. If they have colic; if they are teething, if they have a cold, if they have mosquitoes bites, if something bothers you and it bothers them, if they have just been immunised, if they have the measles. These times, you just have to get up and be with them, do what has to be done and feel lousy the next day. That's part of being a parent. But you do not have to feel lousy every day of your child's babyhood and if you remember to stock up on the magic teas; to be responsive but not  alarmed, deliberate rather than anxious, and boring rather than exciting you should all have some sweet dreams indeed.

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